I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
