I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
