you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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