Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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