i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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