Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
