shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were trust falling into bushes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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