just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
