he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
