i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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