I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
