I want to walk on stilts...naked
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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