Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I skipped work to stalk him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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