...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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