we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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