i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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