we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
