apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
