I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
