these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
