He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i've created a new STD.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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