I want to have your abortion
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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