Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
