there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I want a musical about memes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
