I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need a beard to bite.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
