genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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