Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
