video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
