the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
