I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize