Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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