At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
