Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize