I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
