i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
