we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
