I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
