apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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