also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
