Already got asked if we're dating
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
