Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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