My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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