I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
