At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
