I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
