My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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