sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
