I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
