Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
