it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
