Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
