Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
