This is not my ceiling
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
