they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
