make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize