Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you win again, gameday.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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