How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
