Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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