Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
