This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
