ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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