This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
