there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
