he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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