something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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