Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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