we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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