Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
