How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
