i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
