You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
