i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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