So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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