i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
