She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
