I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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