Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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