brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
