I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize