She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
