You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
