My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize