...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
