i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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