I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
