He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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