So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
