her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
