I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
