I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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