I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
