This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
