so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
