i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
