we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
