I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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