i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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