in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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