omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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