he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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