dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
