She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize