I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
