I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
