I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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