I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
